Panic Watch!

The Mid-Atlantic was deluged with 24-40" of snow over the weekend, including the Panic Watch! Headquarters building near Washington DC. We've been digging ourselves out with industrial hydraulic drilling equipment, and at the same time picking off numerous looters and food scavengers from the roof with high powered rifles.

We've also collected some of the best storm-related links from the past 48 hours:

http://snowpocalypsedc.com - A minimalist preparedness guide.

Video: Some comprehensive forecasting from Accuweather.

Video: Former Sen. Tom Daschle Stuck in D.C. Snowstorm.

Round 2 hits tomorrow, with an estimated 10 to 20 additional inches set to drop. God help us.

In case you missed it, last week The Lancet retracted its 1998 paper about a link between vaccines and autism. This story has served as the bedrock for much of the vaccine quack argument for the past decade.

Now that it's been pulled out from under them like a rug, what do they have to say?

Legitimately evaluating a controversial theory to make sure it stands up to scrutiny is "suppressing research"? Makes no sense to me, but what do I know? I've been brainwashed by the medical establishment.

Happy Halloween, folks! It's time to head up to the attic, find yourself a costume, and get scarin'.

Here's a few of our officially endorsed choices for 2009.

Authentic Bigfoot. Check your backyard, you may already have one of these costumes sitting in that old freezer out there.

1970's-style Alien. Before little green and grey men were cool, we had these classy looking tinfoil men. Easy to make, fun to wear!

Swine Flu Man. Yes this is similar to last year's Bird Flu Man, but you don't mess with a classic.

Finally we've collected our usual list of party poopers. These guys will be getting an assortment of rocks in their bags:

• Health Officials warn against spread of flu with Halloween treats
• This Halloween kids have more to worry about
• Cops: Beware of sex offenders, traffic on Halloween
• Don't Be Haunted by Burn and Laceration Hazards this Halloween
• Tests Uncover Hidden Halloween Hazards
• Trick or Treat or Trauma?
• Police Warn Halloween Party-Goers
• Biologists Warn Of Fatal Bat Disease
• Minnesota Dentists Warn Halloween Shoppers: Sour Candies May Trick, Not Treat Teeth

Seriously though, enjoy tonight, and scare a kid for us will ya?

It's not time to hand out the Panic Watch! True Genius Award just yet, but Freeman is certainly standing atop the pile.

Freeman is usually introduced Richard Dolan-style: by announcing his academic prowess and work-related feats before delving into Illuminati, corporate logos, Atlantis, and (among many, many others) chemtrails. Oh, as always, there are many things for sale and donations are highly encouraged.

I'd like to toss an invitation your way to purchase his latest lecture, which takes place in what can only be described as a bad Quality Inn conference room: Obama, Cloning, and the Coming Space War ($24.99). Freeman labors on about Obama's lack of American citizenship, his drawings as an elementary student that predicted our space program (shown above), and my personal favorite: how Obama is a reincarnated Pharoah. Yes, Freeman and his friend Adobe Photoshop cleverly took a pharaoh and morphed Obama's face into it. Proof if I've ever seen it.

While I'd love to continue with more of Freeman's works, they are quite lengthy and very difficult to wrap your head around in one sitting. That someone can take a tiny incident and blow it up into a full fledged conspiracy so easily is, however, quite impressive. Before you drop a couple hundred on his DVDs, be sure to check out "Anna Nicole, Britney, and Mind Control". Like it or not, Britney Spears is controlling you...

BREAKING: The city of Chicago survives to see another day after nearly being NUKED by the government!

The website 922warning.com appeared just over a week ago, warning that such an event was likely. While the site does present some some hard-hitting facts (such as "9/22/2009 is the first day of fall" and "9/22/2009 is a Tuesday, as was 9/11/2001"), and a bandwidth-efficient design, apparently their sources were flawed.

"It says right here there's this new strain of swine flu that could turn into a pandemic? Like I don't know much about science, you know? I don't pretend to be an e-pee-demiologist. Sometimes I do, but you know, that's when I've had a lil whiskey.

But uh, I do know this: A word cannot be good when it's a combination of 'panic' and 'epidemic'."

- Norm Macdonald on Conan, August 31st, 2009.

A new disaster movie based on the coming 2012 Mayan apocalypse? From the makers of The Day After Tomorrow??? How can we lose?????????????

Wait here's a fun game. Watch these two trailers and see if you can figure out which one is the real one. Yeah, I couldn't either.

Trailer #1

Trailer #2

Just about the same time malls and Wal-Marts are bringing out the holiday favors, the winter Flu scare has gotten a nice early start this year.

WAIT! Before you kill your screen and head for the local immunization clinic, Alex Jones' Prison Planet has dutifully informed us that the Swine Flu vaccine (which they reckon will be mandated for all Americans) will contain mercury, the keystone to all vaccineaphobe arguments. Moreover, they play on the ol' heartstrings by claiming the vaccine will be tested on children

It's getting thick out there folks. I don't know what to do: grab a vaccine or a pooper-scooper.

From asciiartfarts:

At a Monument of Sorrow, A Burst of Deadly Violence
Guard Killed, Suspect Injured Amid Scene Of Fear, Chaos

Congratulations assface, you killed an innocent man because you have the credulity of a five-year-old and believe one of the world's oldest hoaxes.

People often ask: "Why does it matter if people believe in conspiracy theories? Everybody believes in one or another." This is why. Go ahead and add this to modern day witch burnings and people committing suicide because of the large hadron collider. Conspiracy theories kill, my friend.